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Although this approach to relationships is normal, it usually brings disappointment because happiness comes and goes. It has to, because happiness depends upon circumstances. When things go well, we are happy.

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When Leah was 7 years old, we knew something was wrong. Yet, the professional opinion was that we were overly anxious parents. Still, we had her tested by a neuropsychologist, who discovered psychological reasons for difficulties in reading comprehension. I felt almost certain that she had a language-based learning disability because of her constant questions about information that should have been obvious to her; her refusal to allow us to read stories to her; as well as her inability to retell a story that she had read. However this was not revealed in this battery of tests. Obviously this led to more frustration. Although after the testing we had enough information to hire an educational specialist for her, it still seemed to me something crucial was missing in our understanding of Leah.
**Join the Learning Disabilities Association of America, which you can find online. It is a wonderful online resource for parents of children with learning disabilities.
How to Recognize a Child’s Questions
Tips for Parents: Identifying Central Auditory Processing Disorder
“For the first time in my life I know what I what to say, but I don’t know how to say it, “said Leah, my 11 year-old daughter. She was dressed in her favorite purple shirt as we sat on her messy bed, a lumpy blanket as our cushion and papers surrounding us. I was helping her work on a challenging fifth grade assignment. Her dad and I worried for several years why she wasn’t learning writing skills at the same pace as other children. Leah’s paradox confused us: she spoke well from an early age, but writing was an excruciating exercise for her. Leah’s comment marked a significant moment of recognition and insight in our family’s ongoing attempt to understand her.
By the time Leah reached fifth grade, having scored poorly on her reading comprehension portion of the standardized tests the year before, the afternoon she made this remark convinced me that she had a language disorder. We were madly searching for a middle school to meet her educational needs. We finally discovered a missing piece of the puzzle after taking her for language testing.
*You can find a certified audiologist in a teaching hospital affiliated with a medical school, or by contacting your pediatrician; a pediatric neurologist; or neuropsychologist.
Why did she struggle academically and socially? From the time Leah was 5 years old,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], my husband and I took her to see professional after professional. No diagnosis made sense to me, but my intuition told me that something was wrong and growing worse. Although I had worked with children for many years as a child psychotherapist, and had encountered various learning problems, Leah’s symptoms were not familiar to me. However I did wonder about how she was processing language. She needed constant adult attention and was unhappy playing alone. She asked many questions of children and adults, and at times talked incessantly. We later recognized this as her need to understand different situations or sometimes just the meaning of a word. As she was growing,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], her world became more confusing. At times she was criticized by teachers and friends as anxious or nosey. She was becoming more anxious in response to the confusion she experienced. Most people she encountered didn’t understand her.
Have you ever put together a jigsaw puzzle with 50 or 100 pieces? There may have been links along the way or groups of pieces that fit together. It was not until the audiologist diagnosed my daughter with Central Auditory Processing Disorder that the puzzle began to look like a picture; one we could finally understand.
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In kindergarten Leah came home from school knowing everything about her friends from their favorite color to what they had for lunch and who sat by whom. Mothers of her friends were shocked by how much information I received from her because their children came home and answered questions about their day with the typical answer,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “fine”. I became a resource for parents concerned about their kids, because Leah would tell me about the social scene at school. Little did I know at the time that our discussions helped my daughter organize her day. As she progressed through school,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I noticed patterns of social,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], as well as academic instability.
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If your child exhibits the following,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which is a list of some symptoms (but not all inclusive) of Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD), locate a certified audiologist for testing.*
• Asks questions repeatedly and needs to be given repeated instructions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
• Has difficulty extracting abstract information in writing, and spelling at certain times.
• Tunes out and can’t pay attention in a large room with loud background noise.
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• Is clingy to one friend or one parent, at home, in school or new situations.
• Is known as “overly controlling”, due to the attempt often to rearrange situations according to own needs.
Working together on her writing assignment was one of several breakthroughs along the way. It stands out in my mind because of Leah’s ability to be so insightful at times, in spite of her confusion about the world. I felt relieved and sad,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also like her dad and I could now start to really help her. The language problem I had always suspected was becoming clearer. Now in retrospect,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], I can put the pieces of the puzzle together.
By Ann Smith, LCSW
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That afternoon, grappling with the research paper, Leah’s puzzle was almost complete. We found a terrific special middle school that met her learning needs. Today she is an exuberant teenager who is able to manage the demands of a mainstream high school. Writing is her favorite subject. She no longer needs to ask as many questions, because she has learned other strategies for figuring out the meaning of the world. Most importantly she knows what she needs in order to learn, so that she can ask for help.
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Here is the scenario,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you are going into a mental tournament against some of the smartest men and women you know and you can't sleep the night before! This was not an imaginary scenario for me...it is exactly what occurred for me the night before the 2010 USA Memory Championship. I was wound up so much that at 6am I still hadn't had 1 minute of sleep and I would be competing in 2.5 hours in a memory tournament! Needless to say,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], at this point I almost had given up! At 6am, my girlfriend called me and calmed me down and then sent me to bed to GO TO SLEEP! I did just that and 70 minutes later I awoke to enter the toughest mental tournament I had faced up to that point.
The final 2 hours of sleep from 6-8 hours are really crucial for memories to be laid down as permanent residents in your brain. Dr. Maas says that during this time period in REM sleep your brain replays the memories from the day over and over again so they become permanent in your memory. So look at it this way, if you learn a lot and study hard today and then don't get that final two hours of sleep the work you did yesterday will not be remembered as much today if you didn't get 8 hours sleep.
1,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Get on a set sleeping schedule
2. Avoid alcohol before sleep
3,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Avoid sleep medication as much as possible
4,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Stay stress free (okay maybe not possible but reduce stress by crossing things off your things to do list and resolving conflicts)
5,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. When drifting off to sleep do your best to focus on a blank screen. I imagine myself floating through space and I push all other thoughts away...observing them but not entertaining them....
Sleep for Success: Everything You Must Know About Sleep but Are too Tired to Ask
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Ron White memory expert and USA Memory Champion discusses how sleep affects memory:
This is really fascinating for me and it is also a little comforting to know that taking time to REST will actually make you more productive in the long run,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
Here is a video I filmed on this topic:
So my suggestion to you to get more sleep and improve your memory is:
Check out his book here:
Recently, I spoke at a conference in Denver with world renowned sleep expert Dr. James Maas. I was fascinated to listen to his talk and how sleep affects performance and memory. He was approached by an Olympic hopeful Sarah Hughes who was training for figure skating. He suggested to her that she not get up so early to train and instead get 8 hours sleep. At first she was skeptical,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but then gave it a try. Not only did her skating improve...she won the GOLD MEDAL!!!
Sleep really can have a big impact on memory. In his book,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Sleep For Success, Dr. Maas says that a person who is sleep deprived their memory will operate at 19% less efficient in regards to memory. A person with no sleep is operating at 50% less memory ability! As someone who teaches memory training for a living I take this as very valuable information!
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The corporate world has always its doors open providing numerous job opportunities and viable career options,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. A career in banking is also topped highest in the cards of career options. Especially career as company secretary and a career in chartered accountancy are high in demand.
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The reason may be a simple one: those qualities mentioned above are no guarantee for being able to develop a satisfying relationship. Somehow, there isn’t a clear correlation between any of these to your ability to know how to go about developing a healthy intimacy, nor to your awareness of the many ways in which you might be sabotaging your attempts.
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Because none of these qualities has anything to do with being Self-Aware: with being in touch with who you are; with knowing yourself as much as possible; with realizing a host of factors which might play havoc with you and drive you to harm your attempts at relationship time and again; with understanding how your attitudes, reactions and behaviors with and towards a partner hurt you.
Being bright, intelligent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], professionally successful, physically-fit and highly-paid have nothing to do with understanding what relationships entail and how to go about developing and maintaining a successful intimacy.
So how do you explain that? How come that in spite of being unique,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], qualified single, enrolled with a dating site designed for people like yourself, you still haven’t found your mate?
* Are you controlled by any messages you internalized at a young age about how “should “relationships look like (such as: “a man should always be in control”; “never show your true feelings”; “a woman should sacrifice herself for her partner and children”, and so on?).
* Are there any fears you are unaware of which sabotage your attempts (such as: fear of commitment which might drive you to run from one relationship after another? Fear of being hurt which might drive you to be cautious, closed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], mistrusting?).
* Are you driven by unrealistic expectations about partners and relationships (such as: expecting your partner to behave according to your perception of reality; expecting your partner to always do what you desire, and so on).
It is when you become aware of these – and other – factors which exert power over you and drove you to behave in ways which harm your relationships that your qualities come into play: your wisdom and courage to observe yourself, look inside, realize how you have harmed your attempts at relationships until now,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and realizing what you need to change in order to succeed. It is then that you become able to de-activate the power these factors have had over you, free yourself from their grip,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], make the necessary changes and become empowered to develop and maintain a successful and healthy relationship.
Among the many dating-sites that have flourished during the last couple of years there are some which advertise themselves as designed for “Quality Singles”. These are tailored, apparently, for a “select” group of singles who perceive themselves to be highly intelligent,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], well-educated, physically-fit,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], professionally successful and highly paid.
* Do you project onto your partners the traits and behaviors you deny and reject as being part of “who you are” (such as: jealousy, stinginess, anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and so on)? Projecting these cause arguments, conflicts and bitterness, but you are unaware of denying and projecting them.
Whether you perceive yourself to belong to this group or not,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and whether you have enrolled with such sites or not, the question is: Does being a “quality single” have helped you finding a partner and developing a satisfying, qualified relationship?
If you are still single reading this article, the answer apparently is: NO.
* Are there any needs you are unaware of which harm your attempts (such as: the need to be constantly in control? The need to be too caring and “loving” which make your partner feel suffocated?),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
The answer is a simple one: the secret knowing and mastering the art of a successful relationship is to be Self-Aware. This means, understanding a host of factors you might not have been aware of until now, such as:
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This week I met with a new family whose daughter has some behavioral difficulties. She came into my office and the first few minutes were a bit rocky. My goal for the session was to have the child play with me for a bit without protest, as this would be good progress for this child in her first session. And we achieved that goal. I was pleased,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the child was happy,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but as they were leaving,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the parents said to me, "Did you make any progress?"
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In my opinion and the child's experience, we made progress. She went from not knowing me from a hole in the wall, to playing nicely with me on the floor. Next time we will progress to another small goal and build our relationship and keep reaching for more independence and change.
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Now it was time to work at the pace and priority that Sara’s body system required rather, than what the textbook says.
Re-wiring the Brain
At the end of the day there is only one Sara, she overcame all of her original symptoms,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and regained a rational mind. Sara now has a heightened coping mechanism so that when she is exposed to an issue she deals with it and continues to move forward.
But 9 years later she is still labelled and living the life of Depression that she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy. Does anyone, including the doctors and specialists know what it is like to live in her body and mind?
It would appear that labelling her,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], meant she got the standard treatment of Psychotherapy and knocking back the Prozac, which she did.
When we talk about releasing memory patterns, we are not referring to deleting the brain of memories. What it does is cause a major shift in a client’s perception. Therefore when Sara went to work one day and was confronted with an issue that would normally compound in her, it went over her head.
Are Sara’s symptoms typical of depression? According to Black’s Medical Dictionary these are some of the classic symptoms. Along with her doctors they have driven Sara into that dark tunnel that is signposted ‘Depression’ because she has the typical symptoms and therefore labelled just like the others.
*The client’s name has been replaced in order to protect her privacy. Should you wish her details to be verified please contact the administration office.
Well the answer is NO.
So going back to the original question ‘Does depression really exist?’ We at the Bioenergy Healing Research Foundation would conclude that through case studies like Sara’s and many other clients we have seen at the RaphaYad Bio Energy Healing Clinic with chronic and difficult cases of depression and anxiety that ‘No, depression does not exist’.
Tel 0845 456 1336,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], email [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] or visit [link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
At no point during the series of 1-2-1 sessions did Sara have to think about what issue or symptom she had to address next. The scanning technique took care of everything. It’s what we call the ‘Jigsaw Affect’.
Sara’s case history states that she has been suffering with Depression since 1998. Her other symptoms include: energy imbalance,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], digestive problems,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], chronic PMT, stomach cramps, diarrhoea and shortness of breath.
There is no question that the symptoms Sara and other clients experience are real,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. But we have found no long-term benefit of labelling these symptoms as an illness,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]. Similarly which illness do we label it with? If we go through the medical dictionary and consult with the expanding range of specialists then the range is unlimited.
If anything it has caused many a patient to live the illness, become the illness and expect the other symptoms to appear. That’s because this doctor said this, a friend said that and of course the worldwide web with its mammoth amount of information and misinformation has triggered their psyche to have an absolute field day.
Most importantly she was able to work with a practitioner that didn’t just try to box her up and send her off to be with the rest of her tribe. For once she was being treated as an individual.
Sara is the patient that was departmentalised, budgeted,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], medicated and a statistic. That was until she came to work with RaphaYad Bio Energy Healing. What Sara experienced was quite a revelation for her. After years of psychotherapy, she no longer had to delve into the past, neither did she have to address the current issues on a cognitive level. She’d already done enough of the talking therapy, now it was time to switch off the brain.
Over the next 12 weeks Sara experienced what we call a re-wiring of the brain. Using hands-on and hands-off techniques to work with Sara’s electrical [electromagnetic] circuitry system in her body, we were able to release memory patterns and defragmentate (see box …..) her body’s neurological and biological systems.
Glossary - DefragmentateTo defragmentate the body, is to remove the disorder/chaos, bringing about a level of order. The best analogy is that of a computer software package 'Defrag' that every computer has to spring clean and defragmentate the hard disk.Defrag removes the corrupted data, re-organises and condenses data and frees space. It brings order and improves the discs ability to process and store information in an effective and efficient way.
To receive further details on RaphaYad Bioenergy Healing treatment techniques, 1-2-1 treatments and training courses contact the Administration Office at the Bioenergy Healing Research Foundation.
For full details of Sara’s and other case studies visit [link widoczny dla zalogowanych][link widoczny dla zalogowanych].htm.
This is where we scan and pinpoint the primary point, treat it, and the first piece of the jigsaw fits into place. Scan the next primary point, treat it, and the next piece of the jigsaw fits in, and so on until the full picture reveals itself.
The question here is, what makes a single or group of symptoms become classified as an illness that can be treated in a standard way?
Whether it was a problem on a: psychological, chemical, neuro-transmitter or genetic level,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it was no longer in question. RaphaYad Bioenergy Healing techniques used a scanning technique where the practitioner uses his eyes and hand to scan Sara’s body in order to pinpoint the blockages that were responsible for her current state ‘configuration’.
Living it and then moving beyond
None of the old assumptions ‘…we know what it is like for you. We see people every day with the same symptoms’. Instead it was all about Sara, the one and only,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and how those symptoms resonate in her system.
Sara* experiences extreme emotional patterns including: feelings of sadness, tearfulness, low confidence, anxiety, distress, mugginess, imbalance, irrationality, lethargy and tightness in the chest.
At each RaphaYad Bio-energy Healing session we continued to scan for the primary points and use a hands-on manipulation technique with the finger that sends a message to the brain to (re-) activate the repair and healing mechanism between that blocked point and the brain. As the re-wiring continued Sara gained more: positivity, confidence, focus,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], clarity and psychological balance.
It was an acknowledgement that this is how she is today. It doesn’t matter about the past. It can’t be changed. All we can look at is the here and now, and move her forward without all the fears and frustrations.
Conclusion
For the last 9 months things have been spiralling and were getting to the point of being out of control. Sara realised she couldn't continue allow this to happen so she decided to take a different approach to treatment and contacted me.
We move beyond the textbook and treat Sara and the way her body’s systems needs to process things and at the pace she is able to. It meant that she continued to make major psychological and physical shifts. She naturally had her lower moments, but each time her ability to adapt and coping mechanism kept kicking in with more strength and determination.
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The client flatly refused. “This is a proven system,” she said,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “it works. I don’t want to change anything.”
Sure, there is something to be learned from those who have gone before us. There is a tremendous amount of information to be culled from. But in today’s attention deficit society, you’re not going to get much notice if it’s already been done. Where’s the magic, the remarkability?
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Where’s your originality, your uniqueness?
A virtual assistant recently told me a story about one of her clients who sent her a sales page template and asked her to copy it – word for word. This VA made some suggestions about how she could tweak it to make it sound more like her client,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
© Liz Dennery Sanders 2011
We live in a world of copycats. My husband calls them “sheeple.” You know,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the followers. People that don’t come up with any of their own original ideas, but rather, blindly follow others.
There are a handful of coaches selling costly programs inviting their followers to drink the Kool-Aid. You know them. They sell their “signature” systems filled with emails, checklists, charts and templates. Let me repeat: they are giving you templates that thousands of others are using as well. What’s authentic about that?
This is rampant in the online marketing world. Websites,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], sales pages and signature programs that smell an awful lot like the next person. People, a program isn’t your signature unless YOU developed it.
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